Tip of the Hat

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Jul 282012
 


Let’s mix it up, people! Your assignment – whether or not you should want to accept it – is to celebrate cultural diversity in Canada. Wear a sombrero to work, or a witch’s hat to a funeral. Wear a Nazi helmet to the Pride Parade, or a Klansman hat to a wedding.

If any authoritarian dweeb dare challenges you, call them a hater, a cultural bigot, a… yes, a hatophobic. Say you are merely expressing harmony among diverse cultures.

Women, wear your burqa to a bank, or to a voting station, or to the beach. Claim freedom of religious expression. If society’s hall monitors feel uncomfortable about it, that’s their problem, not yours.

Men, a nice bright orange turban would go well with your cool blue business suit, don’t you think? Your boss can just keep his mouth shut or it’s the Human Rights Tribunal for him! Or how about a tasselled fez with your RCMP uniform? A man in sheik’s clothing is always a smashing fashion statement when going through airport security.

Going to a PETA rally? Don a fashionable bearskin guard’s hat. Let the animal sycophants gripe to the Queen, for all the good it’ll do them. The animal righters would really appreciate seeing your montera, or better yet, wear a Shtreimel and call them anti-Semitic if they kvetch.

Wear a Santa hat to a synagogue, a mitre to the opera, a rastacap to a Tory fundraiser, or a yarmulke to Catholic services.

Never mind that it mocks religious beliefs and cultural practices. Never mind that it makes security guards nervous. Never mind it enrages the politically correct. It’s legal, it’s provocative, and it’s fun!

This is General Disorder for Vulture Guard. Carrion, Canada…

Mother Government Knows Best

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Jul 212012
 

Remember growing up, trying to become who you were meant to be only to have your parents trip you up trying to make you go to school, get a job, or maybe go into the family business, or marry their best friend’s idiot son or daughter, or get up early just to go to church, or countless other ridiculous rituals designed to keep you under their thumb yet out of their hair?

The government today wouldn’t make kids do those things. Teachers are already poised to replace parents. The government will provide all the basic needs of your children. Government-funded support groups will pay for their abortions, their drug addictions, their disinterest in holding down a job, and even their desire to go on living. The government gives them complete freedom, and you don’t have to take any of the responsibility.

ALL children should be removed from their parents. It’s what they want. It’s what they need. And why should parents be burdened by all the problems their kids will surely impose on them? The best parents would help their children by letting them go to a much better-suited, better-funded environment.

The State knows best. The youngsters of 1930s Germany took their country to the very brink of global domination before their leader was betrayed by his staff. Roll those dice again! Harper’s the man who can take your children all the way to the top. You won’t be sorry.

This is General Disorder for Vulture Guard. Carrion, Canada…

Pump up the Volume

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Jul 152012
 


If your group is too small to make a difference, “welcome” other groups to join in. This is easiest with smaller groups that have similar needs.

Also intimidate and bully non-group members – family, friends, co-workers – to pretend to be in your group. Call them “haters” if they refuse. Call them “bigots”. Threaten to expose them as psychologically unsound. Liken them to the KKK and Nazis. They’ll join your ranks if for no other reason than to shut you up.

This grows your numbers. This makes the new amalgamated group look bigger than it actually is, and therefore in a better bargaining position.

For instance, less than 3% of the population identifies itself as Gay, and like any group, only a tiny number of this 3% is politically active. So they “welcomed” in politically active Lesbians, Bi-Sexuals, Transsexuals, the Questioning, the Confused, the Hedonistic, the Pedophilic, yadda yadda yadda – plus all their intimidated friends and families.

Not because they like them. Because they can use them.

This new amalgamated LGBT-LMNOP group can arguably claim that they represent 5-10% of the general population. That’s enough screaming meemies to actually be noticed! Brilliant!

There’s power in numbers. Be a joiner.

This is General Disorder for Vulture Guard. Carrion, Canada…

Do Not Suffer Fools

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Jul 082012
 


We all have them in our lives: Fools. Fools who always think they have a better idea than you. Fools who brag they’ve achieved more than you, who claim to be more popular than you, who pretend to be happier than you, who think they dress better than you, who drive more expensive cars than you, who insist they know what’s best for you. Irritating, condescending fools.

You don’t need that. You don’t need your ideas second-guessed by someone who doesn’t have the first idea what you’re thinking. You don’t need your grand visions attacked by a myopic mental midget. You don’t need your achievements belittled by some chronic underachiever. You don’t need your self-esteem deflated by some windbag. You don’t need to look bad in the eyes of blind prejudice.

If you could only ignore them, but they keep buzzing around you like flies around Decay. So you have to flick these ego-sucking fools off your back. Berate them. Dismiss them. Purge them from your life. Banish them to the outer properties. Put them in their dark, fetid place like the rot that they are.

Yes, and you’ll feel so much better for it. It’s all about feeling good, after all…

This is General Disorder for Vulture Guard. Carrion, Canada…

No, Canada

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Jul 012012
 


No, Canada
You’ve given up your land
To laziness, greed, and childish demands

With hungry eyes, we see our prize
The cold north sick and weak

Don’t act surprised
No Canada, you caused your own defeat

God left your land – spurned by decree
No Canada, it’s Vulture Guard for thee

No Canada, it’s Vulture Guard for thee

~ Happy Canada Day to all you canucklheads out there! ~